Trust me when I say....
Let me explain...
Don't misinterpret, I'll tell you...
Believe me when I say...
Be honest, communicate, talk, I will tell you the truth. I will tell you if things change. We will talk about it. Talk talk talk. Blah blah blah blah blah....(insert fog horn sound here)
*sigh* seems to be a theme lately with me. With everything. With everyone. I have a distinct problem of reading people's actions, sometimes correctly, sometimes not. I would say that often times I read them incorrectly but lately I'm never sure what's truth and what's a really bad interpretation. But there are all these things that people want you to believe. They tell you certain things....truths....facts....whatever and you are supposed to believe them. But what do you do when the actions and words are so wildly mismatched?
I know, lets talk about it. Let me ask you, or why don't you ask me what the deal is. What the reality is. Lord knows guessing really never seems to work as planned. But what do you do, even after the 100% seeimingly honest conversation, if still, the actions are so far from the words? When the truth still seems out of reach?
It seems like every direction I turn I can't get honesty out of the people that I actually need the most honesty from. Lets be honest...most people I'm not really sure I care too much if they lie about some things or exaggerate. I really don't get involved enough to have it affect me one way or the other. But those who I have given my trust to I hold to a higher standard. Especially when they say things like trust what they say no matter what. Their words are what matter. Their words are the truth.
It's killing me. And I'm not me when things I stake a part of myself on are just an illusion. I'm not me when I'm confused and hurt. And I miss me. I don't trust easily and I'm at a loss of what to do. Various scenarios, options, actions, inactions and words...most of all words, go through my mind. Play and replay trying to figure out what the reality is. What to believe and what not to. Because I know the truth is a lie and the lie is likely the truth but I'm to trust the words which are the truth but in reality who really knows as they are likely the lie? (run on sentences rule) And if the truth is a lie then I'm not really anything and that means all that's been invested was a waste and since when I commit to something I commit everything then I'm not worth much in that situation.
I don't really have a point except dammit just say what you mean, mean what you say, period. It's the quickest way to hurt someone who invests something as valuable as themselves in you. If you want your word to mean something, then actually mean what you say.
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