I choose to go barefoot.

Faith. We have it in humankind, people, our family, our friends. Sometimes it is what drives us. Sometimes it causes us to take a moment, pause and go "what the hell?". So many things recently really make me question that faith and get me down. Watch the news, read the virtual or tangible newspaper, watch your twitter feed. Really, anywhere you find news and you will find stories and opinions and thoughts about how awful the state of things are. Name a thing. Health care, the oil spill, the ozone, schools, your neighbor, bugs, dirt... you name it everyone has something bad to say about pretty much anything and everything. People are at fault. People are arguing about something or other. People are doing awful things in support of or against some cause, which really, doing awful things only makes you an awful person and therefore I have no care as to what your cause is because now I am blinded by your awfulness, but I digress.

On a more personal and close to home level I've been questioning my judgment in people. Every time something good happens or I make a connection I now wait for the other shoe to drop. I hate the other shoe. HATE IT. Because it won't stay on the foot it is supposed to stay on.

One person, who is a friend, I keep catching (unbeknown to them) that truthfulness doesn't seem to be a strong quality. I forgive, I understand and I don't even bother confronting because at this point its not something to address. I will should a true need arise. There are a few others in which when the friendship progressed to a more honest or deeper level and I then began to wonder if I much preferred them before I knew them because the truths seemed to be too much to think about and made my head hurt. See my problem? One lies too much and the others not enough. I know, no happy medium. Its just that when I noticed certain things I considered to be fundamental I was shocked at just how crazy things turned, in a way I never expected and given how the situations unfolded I was disappointed that the apparent illusion of what was was really never at all. *shoe drop*

I have gotten to overhear a lot of cattiness and backstabby folks lately and I am eternally grateful for my earphones as its nothing more than a poisonous fog that will envelop you and choke the life from you. And I've still not even scratched the surface of things, that's not even the big things! Combine all this with my work stress and complete and total lack of sleep and an insane life its easy to see how I'd be near the edge.

And then this. In this corner...with tears in my eyes.
O M F G. SERIOUSLY????? SERIOUSLY??????? They are going to prevent a playground and threatened to use her kids' names against her? All to get her to not even BE HEARD at the community meeting???? In this great country THIS is considered right and good....not even being allowed to be heard in a constructive and respectful way and WITHIN THE SYSTEM??? SERIOUSLY????? WTF IS THAT. Let me just say MY Steel City Heart is BREAKING for Amy Ambrusko. Read her blog The Callapittar Blog. Feel her love. Feel her passion. Feel her drive. And she gets treated like this. Can those horrid people get any lower? O M F G. Over the edge I go. *shoe dropped and burst into fiery flames from hell except I don't believe in hell but that's another story*

I'm stressed. I'm crying. I'm pissed. I'm losing faith.

....



....



but.......


There are bright spots. How did I let my vision get so clouded as to forget to see them. (3 hours sleep every night for nights on end more than likely)


The bright spot in the horrible tale of Amy Ambrusko and her team trying to make this incredible gift to Pittsburgh is themselves! HOW incredible that out of all this sadness and tragedy she still is giving back to her city and her children and to all children. And, of course, Virginia Montanez, for unleashing all of Pittsburgh to come down on Dave Shields with letters and phone calls and I'm sure showing up in droves to support Amy's right to be heard. My heart will always pump my black and gold blood no matter where I am and I'm proud that I am honored to watch how Burghers come together to do the right thing.

Then, how I sometimes overlook my best friend who almost every day for 2 years shows up, even if just for a quick hi. How I can quick send a message that says "I need you" and like a fairy my friend appears. I did that today. I sent a message saying just that and without fail everything that had brought me down (which isn't all in here ;) ) was whisked away by the one person who can save me every time from my thoughts. So thank you my friend.

Earlier in the week I was surprised by a friend who I may not have noticed how caring they were but noticed I was down and came out of nowhere to give me a smile. Thank you too, you know who you are.

Or Tuesday when instead of declaring my love for Tuesday on twitter (because Tuesday IS the best day of the week) I quickly dismissed it and wished for Friday. I was about instantly flooded from all directions with messages reminding me of my love for the day! Some messages wondering what was going on. I guess I hadn't noticed the quantity of people who paid attention to my love affair with that most glorious day and maybe, who knows, come to expect a "Happy Tuesday! Put your shield on b/c its the best day of the week!" from me but it sure gave me a snap to receive so much love from my twitter, facebook etc. friends. Thank you.

So again I guess my point is things are crappy. No, just kidding. Things aren't crappy but there are crappy things, all the time. But look for the bright spots. Drive for the bright spots. And if you don't see them, create the bright spots. And....BE A BRIGHT SPOT for someone and for yourself. Tell someone something good. It really does come back to you in the very best way possible.

And go barefoot. I choose to go barefoot. If you don't wear shoes, no shoe can drop. Shield on and GO!